Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling is different from couples therapy. It is a short-term (usually one to five sessions, occasionally longer) and structured process where at least one partner is uncertain whether the relationship should continue. The therapist will meet with each partner individually as well as together.

One partner may be leaning out. Another may be leaning in. Traditional couples therapy is designed for people who both want to work on the relationship — and when that shared commitment isn't there, therapy tends to stall out. Discernment counseling was designed specifically to address those situations.

Examples of situations where discernment counseling might be helpful:

• One partner has emotionally disengaged and isn't sure they want to re-engage
• Couples where traditional couples therapy has stalled or felt unproductive
• Partners who are post-affair and uncertain whether repair is wanted or possible
• Couples who are ambivalent about continuing the relationship, especially whenchildren are involved
• Partners who want to end the relationship more thoughtfully than bitterly

Our approach at ISDR is unique from others because we integrate Self-Determination Based Therapy's (SDBT) principles of motivation into the process of discernment. Based on Self-Determination Theory, SDBT provides powerful tools for therapeutically assessing how your needs are supported or thwarted in your life and relationships. Couples can greatly benefit from clarifying the varying internal and external forces pushing you to stay or leave.

The goal of discernment counseling is to help clarify which path forward you would like to take with your relationship: