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Infidelity & Betrayal Counseling
For partners navigating the aftermath of an affair or other betrayal.
What it is
Infidelity is one of the most destabilizing things that can happen in a relationship. It can fracture trust, self-esteem, and the experience of emotional safety. Whether you are in the aftermath of discovery or months/years out from an affair, therapy can help you process what happened and figure out where to go from here.
Infidelity can look different for different relationships — from a one-time sexual encounter, to a months-long emotional affair, to boundary violations with sexual media or work relationships.
Working with infidelity and betrayal requires a specialized therapeutic approach. At ISDR, our specializing clinicians have additional training and experience to provide informed, structured support for you.
Stages of Therapy
Specialized infidelity therapy typically unfoldes in phases, though the process may not always be linear. The phases often look like this:
Crisis stabilization
The immediate aftermath of discovery can be shocking and traumatic. Before any real repair work is possible, both partners need to be able to function and the relationship needs enough stability to engage in therapy. This phase is more about containment than answers.
Understanding what happened
The involved partner must take accountability for the effects their actions had on the relationship and their partner, without getting trapped in shame. Both partners typically face difficult questions and answers in this phase. The hurt partner must cope with their own feelings and reactivity, taking accountability for their actions as well.
Decision and direction
Partners decide whether to rebuild the relationship, separate, or take time to clarify. This phase happens throughout the therapy process but comes to a head when the decision to try to rebuild or not must be made.
Rebuilding (if chosen)
If partners choose to rebuild, therapy focuses on rebuilding trust, defining boundaries, and building a stronger foundation for the relationship. This is typically the longest phase of therapy.
What to expect
Infidelity work typically takes longer than general couples therapy, and it may involve more individual session time alongside joint sessions.
We work from Self-Determination Based Therapy (SDBT), which means we examine the motivational landscape of the relationship — what motivates each partner to stay/leave and what motivated the affair. SDBT also provides tools for assessing how supportive or thwarting the relational environment is and how to build a relationship that actually fits each partner's needs. Our clinicians may also integrate tools from the Gottman method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy, Esther Perel, and leading experts in the field such as Baucom, Snyder, & Gordon.
If at any point it becomes clear that at least one partner is fundamentally uncertain whether they want to try to repair the relationship, we may transition to discernment counseling — a structured process specifically designed for commitment ambivalence.
Specializing Therapists
Also consider
If a partner is uncertain whether to stay in the relationship, Discernment Counseling can be a helpful starting point.
Ready to begin?
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see how ISDR can help.
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Whether you're trying to repair the relationship or understand what happened well enough to move on, we'll offer support.
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