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Neurodivergent Couples Therapy
For partners navigating ADHD, autism, OCD, or other neurodivergences.
What it is
Neurodivergence can bring spice to relationships — as well as specific challenges. It presents itself in different ways. ADHD involves executive functioning difficulties, inconsistency, impulsivity, and sometimes rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). High-functioning autism brings communication differences, sensory sensitivities, and a social processing style that can be confusing to a partner who doesn't understand it. OCD introduces intrusive thoughts and compulsions that influence daily life, and in some cases, obsessive doubt directed at the relationship itself.
At ISDR we work to help partners explore the impact of their neurological differences on relational functioning and build a relationship that fits.
Common dynamics
Every person and relationship is unique, but some patterns are common in neurodivergent relationships. Some common ones we see in therapy include:
A Partner with ADHD
The partner with ADHD feels misunderstood, overwhelmed, criticized, or rejected. The other partner feels overwhelmed by the executive load placed on them, or confused by disproportionate emotional reactivity. Caregiver dynamics sometimes emerge. Resentment builds on both sides.
A Partner on the Autism Spectrum
The partner on the autism spectrum may have specific sensory needs and feel exhausted from masking. Mismatches in communication style, social expectations, and restricted interests can cause friction, especially when co-parenting. Caregiver dynamics can also emerge here, with the other partner taking on more of the emotional labor and feeling lonely.
A Partner with OCD
The partner with OCD can experience their OCD colonizing daily life with rigid routines/compulsions, with the other partner having to resentfully accommodate. Relationship OCD (ROCD) might be present, with consistent intrusive doubt about love, attraction, or compatibility.
How we work
We work from Self-Determination Based Therapy (SDBT), which means we look at how each person's neurological makeup affects their sense of autonomy, competence, and connection within the relationship. Our goal is to help partners build a relationship that supports their needs by understand themselves better, communicating more effectively, and cultivating a deeper connection. Our therapists may draw on tools from traditional couples therapy approaches (like Gottman or Emotionally Focused Therapy) as well as specific interventions designed to address the unique challenges of neurodivergence.
Specializing Therapists
Also consider
If you want to understand your own neurodivergence alongside or separate from couples work, Neurodivergence Therapy may be a good fit.
Ready to begin?
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see how ISDR can support your journey.
Schedule a ConsultationLearn how to navigate neurodivergence.
We tailor our therapy to address the unique needs of neurodivergent relationships. Reach out today.
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