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Therapy for Compulsive Sexual Behavior

For unwanted sexual behavior that feels out of control.

What it is

ISDR treats unwanted sexual behavior from an integrative, sex positive lens. Our approach mirrors the current scientific consensus that for most people, compulsive sexual behavior is not best understood as an addiction but rather a problem of emotional dysregulation, shame, trauma, and a mismatch between behavior and values. Neurodivergence can also play a role in these dynamics.

We do not believe that pathologizing sexual desire and behavior into an "addict" identity is helpful for long-term change. In fact, some who follow the addiction framework later struggle with integrating sexality into their relationships in value-congruent ways — leading to absent sexual desire, erectile difficulties, or friction with their partner around sexual frequency and connection.

Sex is like food; for many, it is an important component of flourishing but can become a maladaptive coping mechanism. Unlike alcohol or other substances, we probably do not want to cut it out completely. The approach we take in therapy should reflect that.

What we work with

Unwanted sexual behavior — pornography viewing, sexual chatting, or other behaviors that feel out of control
The shame cycle — where the behavior leads to shame, which drives more behavior, which creates more shame
Low self-esteem — feeling broken or damaged
Urge management — learning ways to approach sexual urges differently
Relationship repair — when a partner has found out and trust has been broken
Religious and moral conflict — navigating the tension between sexual feelings and deeply held beliefs

How we work

Instead of focusing solely on the removing unwanted sexual behavior, we focus on building a life that feels authentic to you and that integrates your sexuality in alignmnet with your values. Our work draws heavily on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which is gaining recognition as one of the most helpful evidence-based approaches to compulsive sexual behavior. Internal Family Systems (IFS) can also help in working with the internal conflict and shame that arises with this issue.

This approach explores the role sexual behavior has been playing for you, including underlying needs or functions it has been serving. Alternative coping strategies can be developed to meet your needs in ways that feel more congruent with your values. There may be a history of trauma, attachment wounds, or neurodivergence that can be addressed.

Therapy also focuses on building towards the kind of sexual life that you want. This work often includes exploring the roots of your sexual values, building a more positive relationship with your sexuality, and learning how to communicate about sex more effectively. We can also work to discover who you are underneath the shame, and explore how to build a life that more effectively meets your needs and helps you flourish.

Specializing Therapists

Also consider

If your relationship is in crisis, Infidelity & Betrayal Counseling can be helpful.

Oftentimes, Sex Therapy can also be helpful in rebuilding intimacy with your partner.

Ready to begin?

Schedule a free 15-minute consultation — a genuine conversation about where you are and whether we're the right fit.

Schedule a Consultation

There's a way out of the cycle.

Not through willpower, and not through shame — but through understanding what's driving the behavior and building something better in its place.

Schedule a Consultation